They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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