ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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