do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
