no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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