he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
