Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
