Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
