just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
