So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
