I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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