the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
