We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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