It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
