happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
