Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
