i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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