i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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