the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I supernannyed him into submission
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
