Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I met the friendliest cop last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
