this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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