um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
