My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
