forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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