I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
