So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no, he came in my armpit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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