I cut my penus on the lid.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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