you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
