My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I smell like Dick and happiness
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