Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
