and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
