If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize