areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
