Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
