and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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