It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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