Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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