That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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