dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
