those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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