dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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