babies were throwing up all over the place
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this boner is exhausting
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
