Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
