I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
