So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize