your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
