I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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