u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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