You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
