So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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