He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
