Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
