We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
