hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
