i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
