No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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