so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
