I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize