Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
