I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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