Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
