You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
