ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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