he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
