I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
