Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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