I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
