guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
