this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
