She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize