Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
