I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
