I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
