You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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