The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize